French language tips that save you from surrealism

Paris, 9 a.m. A terrace, the dream. The waiter arrives, pen ready. You lean forward and proudly announce: j’ai un café.

He blinks. Maybe you do—back at home, in your bag, in a secret thermos. But not here. Not now. What you don’t have is the ability to order one.

Here’s the catch: in English, you order with “I’ll have a coffee” or “A coffee, please.” You might also say “I’m having a coffee” to describe what you’re doing. But if you translate that literally into French, you end up with j’ai un café. Which is nonsense. Ordering in French requires action: je prends un café. That’s the difference between sounding fluent and sounding like you’ve smuggled one in your bag.

This is the joy of French expressions gone wrong: comedy, philosophy, sometimes heartbreak. These French language tips might just save you.

French expressions and the comedy of literal translation

Take coffee. In English, you “have” it. In French, you take it: je prends un café. Say j’ai un café and the waiter imagines you announcing an inventory. Not an order.

Decisions? In English, you “make” them. In French, they are taken. Je fais une décision sounds like arts and crafts—glitter, cardboard, maybe macaroni glued on top. The correct phrase is je prends une décision.

And the most dangerous: love. You want to sigh I miss you. You say je te manque. Congratulations. You’ve just informed someone: “You miss me.” Which is either supreme arrogance or radical honesty. Very French, admittedly. But not what you intended. The correct heartbreak is tu me manques.

Common mistakes in French that learners repeat anyway

Why do French people say j’ai froid instead of je suis froid? Because in French, temperature is not your identity. You don’t be cold. You have it.

J’ai froid = you need a sweater.Je suis froid = you need a therapist.

The same applies to hunger, thirst, sleepiness: j’ai faim, j’ai soif, j’ai sommeil. In French you accumulate physical states like accessories. These are the common mistakes in French that instantly betray a beginner.

French language tips about excitement and anticipation

Is it correct to say je suis excité in French? Only if you enjoy misunderstandings. On its own, it usually means “aroused.”

The childish version, safer but ridiculous, is je suis tout excité. Fine for a six-year-old at Disneyland. Less fine for a grown adult at work. If you want to sound credible, use j’ai hâte or je suis ravi(e). These French language tips save you from declaring things to HR you never meant to.

And I can’t wait? Learners love je ne peux pas attendre. It works if you’re about to strangle someone in a queue at the post office. But when you mean genuine anticipation, French uses j’ai hâte de. J’ai hâte de te voir. Calm, elegant, no police report required.

Learn French in Paris without sounding absurd

Why do French people say tu me manques instead of je te manque? Because French flips the logic. In English: I miss you. In French: you are missing to me. The absent person is the subject. Brutal, but effective.

Do French people really say ça fait sens? Unfortunately, yes. English has been leaking into French like bad plumbing. Now you hear it in offices, podcasts, even in Parliament. It still sounds cheap. The classics—c’est logique, ça a du sens—are cleaner. If you want to learn French in Paris, avoid imported leaks.

And time? English spends it. French passes it. Passer du temps. If you say dépenser du temps, you sound like a cashier: “Two hours, please. Do you want change in minutes?”

How do you order a coffee naturally in French?

The simplest: un café, s’il vous plaît.

If you want to sound polite, je voudrais un café works. But the French don’t waste time. The everyday rhythm is je prends un café. Short, direct, efficient. That’s one of those French expressions that makes you sound local instead of lost.

Why common mistakes in French are worth keeping

Here’s the truth: these mistakes are not tragedies. They’re entertainment. They make your sentences sound like avant-garde theatre. Beckett would be proud.

You say je suis froid when you mean chilly. People think you’re breaking up with them. You say je suis tout excité when you mean enthusiastic. People laugh. You say je te manque instead of tu me manques. People smile, correct you, maybe even like you more for it.

Because these slips prove something: you’re trying. And nothing is more Parisian than trying to be Parisian.

Step by step, you’ll stop falling. You’ll prendre un café instead of have one. You’ll avoir froid instead of be it. You’ll avoir hâte instead of can’t wait. And one day, when you finally whisper tu me manques and mean it—you’ll know. You’ve crossed over. Out of comedy. Into French.